Where it began…

Hi, and welcome to Courtney Martin Mindset. 

I’m a wife and mother of two living on the beautiful panhandle of Florida where I was raised. This journey I am on feels like it just began one year ago and at the same time I feel as if I’ve been on it my whole life. I don’t think anyone sets out to live their life complacent. No one sits in their desk in elementary school dreaming of just making a paycheck to afford them a comfortable lifestyle. I can remember sitting in my second grade classroom being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. Blonde ponytail, probably some sort of neon designed shirt and shorts set, pencil in hand, I was ready to put down the most amazing titles my eight-year-old mind could imagine. When I take myself back to this place, I get butterflies in my stomach as if I was transplanted right back to that desk and chair. I wrote down ‘doctor, teacher, actress, princess and artist.’ By the way, I didn’t become any of those.

I had no idea what I wanted to study in college, so I chose the same major a lot of my friends did so we’d be in the same classes, which was public relations. When I graduated, I saw everyone around me landing jobs, buying their first house or apartment and enjoying their newfound financial independence. I had zero motivation to find a job because I had zero idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, but unfortunately, I felt a sense of urgency to find one.

Growing up, I always had an entrepreneurial spirit with dreams of running my own business. I came from a family of entrepreneurs and admired their courage, discipline and work ethic. Business owners all seem to share a sense of pride they carry with them that comes with creating something from a vision and then watching as their dreams become reality. I wanted something to be proud of too, something of my own. But, as soon as I walked across that graduation stage in Gainesville, I felt that time constraint and ended up choosing the more reliable, less risky route working in sales.

  I chose a career in pharmaceutical sales because I knew the job paid well, they’d give me a car, laptop and expense account.  I did this for a few years until there was a company-wide layoff and found myself back searching for a job. While I sat at my computer looking up job postings, my mind would often take me back to that colorful, second-grade classroom with pretty bulletin boards. I felt comfort as I sat in that memory because as a child I didn’t have fear or anxiety that I now incurred as an adult tying to pay bills. I thought, “this is the perfect time to start over, the time where I can pick whatever I want to be.” That entrepreneurial spirit paid me a short visit, I dreamt of owning my own boutique selling clothes, shoes and accessories.  But, as quickly as this dream came to me it left as I thought about the lack of experience and knowledge I had in retail and the stress and pressures a small business owner takes on. The next thing I know, I’ve applied for a medical device position that I ended up getting and remained at the company for almost 12 years.

I was successful for the most part- for many years found myself at the top of the sales rankings, winning trips and surpassing sales goals. My success reconfirmed I was doing what I should be doing: sales. It came naturally to me, I always liked people and found it easy to talk to anyone, I was self motivated and competitive, the three key components for sales. The thought would occur to me now and then, “This is where I’m supposed to be, right?” But, there was always something in me that wanted more. Like many of you, I had done what we’re supposed to do: graduate, get a job and become financially independent. The next step, was to have a family.

We were so excited to welcome our first child into the world in August of 2013, a sweet baby girl.  I had always wanted to be a mom since before I can remember and fully embraced my new role, even through the sleep-deprived, delirious first few months.  I knew how quickly time passes and how much they change in the 0-6 month stage, so I didn’t want to miss a second of it.  I was happy being at home, taking care of our baby, the house and cooking meals and honestly didn’t miss my job…at all. 

My maternity leave flew by and when I returned to work I found I wasn’t the same sales rep I used to be.  I struggled with mom guilt, lacked motivation and absolutely hated out-of-town meetings.   I didn’t want to leave my child for the day, drive 100 miles one way for a customer meeting, get home in time enough to put her to bed and then start all over the next day.  I didn’t care about waking up early to catch the hard-to-see cardiologist before he started his rounds.  I wanted to be at home, soaking up every second of this new beautiful stage of my life.  I could’t quit, we were a dual-income family and had our sights set on upgrading to a new, bigger home.   I thought, “How easy would my life be if I could just be a stay-at-home mom?”

I wasn’t the first mom who also worked, you see moms every day juggling their careers and family.   But, how did they make it look so easy?  Had I been tricked?   As I made the shift from ‘career-driven’ to ‘working mom’, I totally understood when someone said, “I wear many hats.”  I felt like I had multiple roles unable to really excel at any of them.  My hats were not so much on my head but thrown on the ground in a disorganized, cluttered mess. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I really didn’t understand what ‘hard’ was yet.  In late 2014, we were excited to announce I was expecting our second baby, due in August the following year.  Right around the time I found out I was pregnant, I happened to also begin the battle of my life to save over $1 million hospital account.  Turns out a new, super eager, motivated rep moved into my territory and was forcing me to work harder than I ever had.  How convenient, I was pregnant, had a toddler at home and was exhausted.  I had no choice but to try and salvage this large customer, so for the next year all I thought about was winning this major account.  Every day, I was mapping out sales strategies, scheduling meetings and presentations, practically living at the hospital to try and see each physician and their staff to promote my products.  I was consumed with the pressure to win, and it consumed me.  Even when I was on maternity leave, it’s all I thought about.  I was supposed to be enjoying the last “firsts” I’d ever have with my last baby, but I wasn’t present because I feared the downtime from maternity leave was giving my competition an advantage that I could do nothing about.  I was at home and they were in front of my doctors.  

When I returned from maternity leave, I again was back trying to figure out how to manage an infant, toddler, husband, house, meals, laundry, competitive job and my sanity.  During the midst of me trying to keep my head above water, I discovered I had lost the account. For over a year, I spent countless hours preparing, competing, strategizing, selling and many more away from my family.  For over a year, I spent the majority of each day worrying and fretting over losing this account and what that would mean for me and my family.  I would say I felt like a huge loser and failure of a person, but I was too tired to feel.  I was more like depleted and numb.  I felt empty.  I just knew I was going to be fired and was scared to answer the phone when I saw it was my boss.  But it turns out there are worse things that can happen besides being let go from your job, like having your territory move four hours away from you.  With a one and three-year-old at home.  

I didn’t feel like the company valued me anymore- I wasn’t winning awards or trips and surely didn’t have the right attitude I’d had when I first started. You know how when you’re not good at something, it’s not fun? That was me in my job: I wasn’t good. I knew it was a matter of time before it all came to a head-I just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and life would be easier.  I wouldn’t have to juggle it all, I could just be a mom and wife. 

I think I began “silently quitting” before there was an actual term.  But, this is exactly what happened.  I began just checking boxes (working the bare minimum) which allowed me to stay off my boss’s radar and stay at home more while taking phone calls and emails.  I did this for extended period of time, but it didn’t feel right.  I had customers who depended on me who I wasn’t showing up for.  And although I was physically at home with my kids, I was still in constant contact with customers throughout the day, so I wasn’t really showing up for them either.  

Let’s pause and reflect for a moment. Life for me at this point was a constant struggle, I saw life as happening to me and not for me. I was trying to fulfill infinite roles at once which led to an unbalanced life that benefited nobody and left me completely unfulfilled. At the time, I thought the emptiness I was feeling was because I was spread too thin, because I was taking on too much. “If I could just stay at home and not work, I’d be happier,” I thought. I wouldn’t figure it out until later, but I was actually searching for fulfillment, for my purpose. I wanted more out of life and thought by eliminating my job, I’d be able to fulfill the role 100% of ‘mom’ and ‘wife’ therefore leaving me 100% fulfilled. 

  It was a decision my husband and I talked about for months, and it wasn’t easy, but I knew I could’t go on like this. I wasn’t happy and my customers were probably over me too, not to mention my boss probably knew my work ethic had fallen off a cliff-he wasn’t clueless. I knew I really had no other option but to quit and figure out life from there. I was excited and a little scared, I had always contributed to the household income, and I hate budgets.

I stopped working just in time for summer and felt such a sense of relief. Finally!  No more feeling inadequate- I’m going to be the all-star, super engaged, fun, patient darling mother I’d always wanted to be.  I was going to put June Cleaver to shame.  Gourmet dinners, clean house and full hearts always.  

I felt extremely fortunate to be able to dedicate all my time to my children. I love summers, everything about them. I grew up with large extended families on both my parents’ sides, and summers for me was about spending time with my cousins, going to the beach, pool and riding bikes until sunset. When I think of my childhood, I think of summer. I loved being able to live a child-like summer through my children, I got to have a taste of that freedom that I so missed when I was working. I was able to take them on day trips to water parks without checking my email for a last-minute conference call. I could enjoy a full day at the pool without looking at my phone making sure I didn’t miss a customer call. I was so happy I could spend a summer fully submersed in what summers are all about: enjoying the longest days of the year with the people I love. I was finally fully present, felt like I could breathe again…and smile.

When the kids went back to school in the fall, life looked like this:  clean the house, do laundry, grocery shop, pick kids up, drop kids off, feed family on repeat.  This is what I wanted.  This is what it means to be at stay-at-home mom.  Where I shared these responsibilities with Jared before they all now fell on me because that was my choice. How come all the stay at home moms I know make it look so fun? What was I missing?  I began again to feel that emptiness.  I couldn’t shake the nagging thought, “was this it?”  Certainly not, right?  It was hard to admit, but that familiar feeling was back: I wanted more.  I tried brushing this thought off thinking it was nothing more than a fleeting thought, but each day, multiple times a day it reappeared.  What was the “more” I was looking for?

Instagram ads kept catching my eye about books on how to manifest your goals and seek purpose.  I felt it was a sign, so bought a few. It was December and I had just a short window of time to myself before the kids were out for winter break, so I decided to dive right in…what other choice did I have?

I found it all so interesting, especially the science behind it, and began doing the inner work necessary to find my purpose.  I wanted to know why I was here.  I wanted to be able to look back on my life and know I gave it all I had.  I didn’t want any regrets.  What I learned was I was the only one holding me back from this- the secret lie in my mindset.  I had always dreamed big, had always wanted to work for myself and be successful, but I chose to listen to the negative self talk which held me back from accomplishing so much.  I learned I can control fear and doubt and actually replace them with empowering thoughts.  I learned our subconscious is responsible for 95% of our thoughts and it controls our conscious mind which inevitably dictates our reality.  What?!?  I’m totally obsessed.  I realized I was worthy of greatness and had the potential to create the life I’d always wanted.  I finally figured out the missing puzzle piece of my life:  fulfillment.

Through this ongoing journey, I have learned we must dedicate the time to listen to that inner voice and understand fully why we are all here. We aren’t here by mistake, we are all here to serve a purpose. It took me 39 years to recognize that because I wasn’t serving my purpose, my goals weren’t aligned with my true self, which made life really hard. But this is what happens when we aren’t living as our authentic selves, when we aren’t serving our higher purpose, we find ourselves going through life merely surviving to get us through the day, on repeat, when really we’re just searching for our ‘why’. 

I got to the point in my life when I couldn’t ignore the feeling of wanting more. That ‘more’ was me, trying to tell myself it was time to seek out my purpose. The hardships I had endured, the heartbreaks, the failures, they all have led me here, and they have led me to all of you.

I’m thrilled to share with you that I recently wrote a book due out spring of 2024.  In it, I share my story and the practices that took me from a lost, unfulfilled woman to a happy, fulfilled, successful entrepreneur living out her purpose:  to help others find their own purpose and fulfillment in life.  We aren’t meant to stay stagnant-we’re meant to grow, evolve, push ourselves out of our comfort zones and do great things.  If I can I do it, so can you, and you are so worth it.

I hope you will join me here for my weekly blog posts where I will do my very best to deliver the most inspiring, relatable and entertaining content so that you can immediately begin applying it to your own life.  This is my sole mission and purpose, and I am beyond grateful you are here.  I have lots to share.  

xo, Court