The Pesky Purpose

The whole process of finding your purpose is annoying. First, you have this nagging feeling of wanting more, not liking your current position in life whether that’s a career or lack of fulfillment (or both), and the overwhelming feeling that something is just…missing.

Even more annoying than the nag is the thought of actually acting on it, the mere acknowledgement of the amount of upheaval that big of a change would cause in your life and the impact it would force upon your family.

And that’s the reason most people never pursue their purpose: the fear of the unknown. And fear.

I would have never quit my high-stress corporate job if it hadn’t been for my grandmother passing in 2021. When I saw her taking her last breaths, I couldn’t help but think that would be me one day, if it were today, would I be able to say I lived a life with zero regrets? The answer was a resounding no. The day she died was the day I started living.

From then on, I devoted my time to finding my purpose and now help others find theirs. Looking back, I ask myself if I would have made the jump had my grandmother not passed away. Would I have had the courage to explore what else there was for me? I don’t know. What I do know is I ignored my inner voice for a very long time telling me sales wasn’t what I was put here to do. I felt like something was missing but couldn’t put a finger on it…because…if it’s missing, how do you find it? That’s the journey you have to be willing to go on.

Since sharing my story a couple years ago, I’ve had so many people come to me and say, “that’s me, too.” When we’re not living a purposeful life, we are not aligned with our true self, and this is often masked as depression, anxiety, stress and addiction. We’re surviving each day instead of thriving, which is the opposite of what life is supposed to be about.

Here is a list that I use in my program to help people find their ‘why’ or purpose. It’s the first step in my “Winning Mindset” pyramid, the foundation on which all the other steps build upon.

Your passions- what in life means the most to you?

Your strengths- what are you good at?

Your weaknesses- what do you want to improve about yourself?

Your motivators- what are the things that get you out of bed? What drives you?

Your values-what is most important in your relationships? What are the non-negotiables?

How will this help my family?

How will this help people, my community or the world?

How do I want my future to look? 5, 10, 20 years down the road

1.    Consider Peak Experiences: Think back to a meaningful moment in your life. Think about the elements of the situation that made it meaningful; these elements will likely represent some of your core values. Was it being together with family you don’t see often? Was it traveling and experiencing some place new with loved ones? These are the things that matter to you, on a deep level.

2.    Identify Suppressed Values: Next, take the opposite approach and consider a situation when you were unusually unhappy, frustrated or upset. Identify what you were feeling during this time and what triggered you. Was it because someone wasn’t being honest with you? Integrity may be something that you hold to a high regard. The last time you were really hurt, was it because you felt betrayed? Then, you covet loyalty as a great value. This will reveal values that are important to you that will help lead you to your why.

3.     Establish your drivers: What are your outlets? What do you acquire just above your basic human needs to experience fulfillment? Is it health? Creativity? Intellectual challenge? A sense of excitement and adventure? If you could choose one hobby for the rest of your life, what would it be? What are your talents? Your skills? What drives you, what inspires you? Explore these things that you’re naturally drawn to.

The truth is, you don’t have to make any sudden, crazy changes when you’re seeking purpose. You can start by making a list and see what stands out, what excites you and go from there. That’s your sign you’re on the right path. Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself, in fact, make it your goal to just have fun with the pesky process, because if that’s the goal, you can’t go wrong.

xo,

Court