Middle Age

I turned 40 last week and admit it sounds old when I say it out loud, so I’m typing it. Honestly, I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about middle age and the notorious phrase “mid-life crisis” and it made me wonder if I’m having one. After all, I quit my job after 16 years and have begun a surprisingly new chapter in my life, one I never saw coming.

Is it a coincidence that this all happened the year I turned 40?

Maybe.

I feel like my life has been a whirlwind up until this point: college, first job, marriage, new home and then babies. I was 23, blinked, and here I am middle-aged sitting in a quiet house.

And that’s when it happened.

After the midnight-feeding haze, the breast-feeding drama and toddler tantrums, I have found stillness again. And with this eerily unfamiliar silence, I have found me again.  

This past year has been a time of reflection, growth, fear, and gratitude as I embark on something that makes me feel alive, but what’s more, I feel awake. Opening my eyes to this new day, I discovered my capabilities, potential and courage had all been lying dormant too, but now was the time to get up. 

I realized I was the creator; I held the paintbrush, and the choice was mine to create a masterpiece or stare at a blank canvas. I chose to paint.

 I don’t believe in the “mid-life crisis” anymore-it’s much more than that-it’s an awakening. Our alarm clock goes off and tells us it’s time to wake up, turn off auto pilot and LIVE.

 I feel like 40 is the beginning, not the middle. I’ve never felt so at peace with who I was, what I’ve done and where I’m going until now.

I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day, and I told her how I wish I would have realized what I wanted out of life sooner, I’m middle age, why couldn’t this have happened when I was 30? She reminded me that each moment, each triumph and heartbreak has led me to this point. “It’s divine timing, Courtney,” she said, “and I think you’re right on time.”

xo,

Court